Date: Fri, 8 Nov 2002 12:46:58 +1100
From: Dan Byrnes 
(sent to him by Eric Scott, "Hadley Records", Tamworth NSW)
Subject: Washington Post yearly contest

 A little Wednesday morning humour! The Washington Post publishes a
 yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply ALTERNATE meanings
 for various words. The following were some of this year's winning
 entries:

 1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

 6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly
    answer the door in your nightie.

 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

 8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

 9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
    are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question in an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
    proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
    expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul
    goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.