Why Dogs Are Better Than Men: * Dogs always think you're smart and don't make fun of your shortcomings * Dogs are willing to sleep on a rug and fetch on command * Dogs spend less time worrying about hair loss * Old buddies don't show up on doorstep unexpectedly * Dogs are utterly disinterested in professional sports * Your parents find them easier to like * Dogs are rarely jealous of your former boyfriends * Dogs are willing to hold your purse in public * Unlikely to roll over and lose consciousness immediately following intense play * Dogs don't complain when you want to go for a walk * Dogs are willing to eat anything you put on their plate and will always want more * Dogs tend to bath themselves daily, men must be encouraged to do so * You can put a dog in a crate when you don't feel like having it around * Dogs expect to go outside on leashes... men think they can do everything on their own * Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. * Dogs miss you when you're gone. * You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you. * Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. * Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with. * Dogs don't criticize your friends. * Dogs admit when they're jealous. * Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out. * Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw). * Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together. * Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. * You can train a dog. * Dogs are easy to buy for. * Dogs are good with kids. * Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies. * You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. * Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous. * The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) * Dogs understand what NO means. * Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization. * Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species. * Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. * Dogs do not read at the table. * You can house train a dog. * You can force a dog to take a bath. * Dogs don't correct your stories. * Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. * Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair. * Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair. * Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving. * Dogs love to dance * Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake. * Dogs admit it when they're lost. * Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff. * Dogs look at your eyes. * Dogs like your size. * Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs. * Dogs take care of their own needs. * Dogs are color blind. * Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. * Dogs mean it when they kiss you. * Dogs are nice to your relatives. * Dogs obsess about you as much as you obsess about them. * Dogs don't care how you dress.