The Engineer's story
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Two software engineering students were walking across campus when
one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second
student replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my
own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
"Take what you want."

The first student nodded approvingly, "Good choice; The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether
it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The
architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he
enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and
mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will
each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you
can go back to the office and get some work done."

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What's the difference between Software Engineers and System
Administrator?

Software Engineers build weapons, System Administrators build
targets.

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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the
glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big
as it needs to be.

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"A Boy and His Frog"

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess".
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one
week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?
I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you
for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me? The
boy said, "Look I'm a software engineer.  I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.

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"Hot Air Rises"

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced
altitude and spotted a man on the ground below. He descended a
bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a
friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I
am."

"You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet
above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north
latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." replied
the man below.

"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "You're right,"
replied the man on the ground, "How did you know?" "Well,"
answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and
the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help
so far."

"You must be in Management." responded the man below. "I am,"
replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the
man on the ground, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of
hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep,
and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The
fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before
we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."