"Steve & Deanna" send along these "GREAT BITS OF  WISDOM FOR OUR TIME."
(According to a Google search, they've been  around the block a few times
with no clear point of origin--- but some were  new to me <g>.)

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't
     like and just give her a house." - Steven Seagal

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
     job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At
     the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
     -Jeff Foxworthy

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a p e n i s, and
     only enough blood to run one at a time." -Robin Williams

"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
     infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without
     even considering if there is a man on base." -Dave Barry

"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"
     -Marilyn Pittman

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
     lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying
     to teach you how to swim." - Paula Poundstone

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
     skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study:
     Huh?" -Conan O'Brien

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my
     fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. I could be eating a slow
     learner." -Lynda Montgomery

"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with
     a riding vacuum cleaner." -Roseanne

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York
     said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just
     isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'" -Richard Jeni

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
     that's the law." -Jerry Seinfeld

"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same."
     -Oscar Wilde

"Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's
     genitals through his wallet," -Robin Williams

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
     look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
     that!'" -Dave Barry

"When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in
     her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
     -Author Unknown

Advice for the day If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
     do what it says on the aspirin bottle "Take two aspirin" and "Keep
     away from children"
     -W. C. Fields (?) ( -- Just kidding, GP)

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group
     for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
     -Drew Carey

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Sent to me by Dan Byrnes
Sent to him by Hadley Records: http://www1.tpg.com.au/users/hadrecs/