PGTS Journal Edition #021
December, 2003.

December 2003

Seasons Greetings!

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year!

Don't eat too much of that Turkey ...

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Fake Fake Fake Turkey Turkey Turkey ...

Recently a news item appeared in the Washington Post about President Bush holding a Fake Turkey. When this information reached New England writer and historian, Dan Byrnes, he alerted the PGTS staff that the fake turkey story may be a fake! He had it on good authority that several left-leaning radio commentators and journalists had been taken in by the story, or more likely had been willing to believe the story because of their political inclinations.

That authority turned out to be one Mark Steyn, a columnist for major newspapers in Canada and UK, who apparently pushes his hand-cart a little to the right hand side of the road.

In the interest of truth (remember truth dear reader?) and to assuage our New England colleague, the editorial staff at PGTS carried out some research and came up with the following facts: (As Sgt Joe Friday says ... Just the facts ma'am, nothin' but the facts)

1. George Bush did indeed visit Iraq. This has been disputed. Despite the secrecy, false call sign, fake flight plan and rumours of strange conversations with Air Traffic Control, it seems Bush actually did go there.
2. The US Army serves soldiers pre-packed issues of food. They do not carve up turkeys or for that matter any other beast at the table.
3. In the spirit of the season (Thanksgiving), a number of turkeys are "primped" for display purposes only and set up outside each mess hall. It was one such bird that GWB seized for his photo-op.
4. The bird was real ... in so far as, at some stage in its' short life, it had actually been running around, flapping its' wings ... Well not so much running, as standing in a tiny little box, like a million other turkeys, on some giant turkey farm in the USA.
5. The Bird was inedible, since it had been coated with an unpalatable (and probably toxic) glaze, and most likely, injected with equally unpalatable preservatives and adorned with trimmings, some of which were plastic. The turkey was meant for display purposes only.

Thus it seems that the story about The Fake Turkey being a fake could, in its' turn, be a fake!. Or then again it may not! Confused dear reader? You should be. The degree of confusion comes down to the individual diner's culinary options. You will be less confused if you are inclined only to eat the right wing of your Thanksgiving Bird. In which case, you will be aware that the bird that Bush was holding had at one stage been a genuine turkey, whose authenticity was beyond doubt. And you will rejoice, sing Allelulia and may God Continue to Bless America ...

Those of you that partake only of the left wing of the bird of sacrifice will see clearly that the Turkey was a fake, intended only for show rather than consumption, and you might also break out into song ... something like, "The People's flag is deepest red ... etc etc". (which, incidently, should be sung to the tune of "O Christmas Tree", an entirely appropriate Yuletide melody).

And it seems that Saddam Hussein has put in an appearance for the festive season! There was some concern about whether he was a fake! These concerns are well-founded, since it seems that, when he was in power, Saddam spent a considerable amount of time manufacturing dopplegangers. The US military has taken a mouth swab, and DNA testing, it seems, has established the credentials of Saddam. So whether or not we can agree on the authenticity of the main course, at least one of the guests is genuine!

And, returning to the question of authenticity, perhaps we should ask just how genuine was the turkey holding the turkey? There seems little doubt about George Bush's genuine desire to take advantage of any photo opportunity. In a heart-warming speech to the People of Iraq, the president (of the USA) called upon God to bless Iraq!. Which leads us to speculate that the president's speech may have been intended for the people of the USA! Had it been genuinely intended for the people of Iraq, considering the demographics of that country, he should have called upon Allah to bless Iraq! (Then again Allah is Arabic for God ... could it be ... everyone is fighting for the same god?)

In an era when it is more important to appear to be genuine than to actually be genuine, President Bush appears genuine in his attempts to present a genuine image. Alas! he may not be genuine! One thing for certain, the Bush Turkey is a wily bird, and well endowed with native rat-cunning. Whether that is sufficient to get him over the line in the coming election remains to seen.