A high school teacher was arrested today at Sydney's Kingsford-Smith International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.
At a press conference today, the Attorney General, Senator Brandis, said he believes the man is a member of the notorious extremist movement, Al-Gebra.
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the AFP with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
'Al-Gebra is a problem for us', Senator Brandis said. 'Members often derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. ... They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" commonly referred to as "unknowns"; but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are three sides to every triangle."'
Senator Brandis said that this vindicated the government's approach to meta-data retention, but refused to comment on operational matters when asked to elaborate on what he meant by meta-data.
When asked to comment on the arrest, the leader of Her Majesty's Australian Federal Opposition said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of maths instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
Fellow Labor colleagues told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the Opposition Leader.
Walkley Award Winning Cartoonist, First Dog On The Moon declined to comment and was characteristically vague about the opposition leader's name.
Note: The source of this dispatch wishes to remain anonymous ... And so he should!